Rejected Jokes.

rejectedjokes.com is a cool website run by writer and comedian Ben Schwartz. The site is currently a showcase for Schwartz’s video projects but began as an outlet to display all his jokes that didn’t make it to air when he was freelancing for SNL and Letterman.

I don’t write many jokes, but the ones I do are usually terrible. Therefore I give you my first installment of: rejected jokes. Actually I only have one today because I think this is my strongest one and honestly all the others play on the same lame format (I can deal with that fiasco in another post).

Last month was my ladyfriend and blogmate’s birthday. So, like any good boyfriend I left her a message on her facebook wall. But this girl is special. I did not merely say, “Happy Birthday I love you! You’re the greatest” That’s the way guys talk when they are about to get dumped. No. I wrote my woman some birthday jokes. One was bad. One I may have heard somewhere else and stolen. The third however, was gold. At least in my opinion. The birthday girl sayeth differently.

Howsaboot that Sarah Palin?

Last night in the vice presidential debate with Joe Biden, Sarah Palin said her biggest weaknesses were in experience, and sharing a world view with John McCain. Well, at least she got something right.

IFILL: Let’s talk conventional wisdom for a moment. The conventional wisdom, Governor Palin with you, is that your Achilles heel is that you lack experience. Your conventional wisdom against you is that your Achilles heel is that you lack discipline, Senator Biden. What is it really for you, Governor Palin? What is it really for you, Senator Biden? Start with you, governor.
PALIN: My experience as an executive will be put to good use as a mayor and business owner and oil and gas regulator and then as governor of a huge state, a huge energy producing state that is accounting for much progress towards getting our nation energy independence and that’s extremely important.
But it wasn’t just that experience tapped into, it was my connection to the heartland of America. Being a mom, one very concerned about a son in the war, about a special needs child, about kids heading off to college, how are we going to pay those tuition bills? About times and Todd and our marriage in our past where we didn’t have health insurance and we know what other Americans are going through as they sit around the kitchen table and try to figure out how are they going to pay out-of-pocket for health care? We’ve been there also so that connection was important.
But even more important is that world view that I share with John McCain. That world view that says that America is a nation of exceptionalism. And we are to be that shining city on a hill, as President Reagan so beautifully said, that we are a beacon of hope and that we are unapologetic here. We are not perfect as a nation. But together, we represent a perfect ideal. And that is democracy and tolerance and freedom and equal rights. Those things that we stand for that can be put to good use as a force for good in this world.
John McCain and I share that. You combine all that with being a team with the only track record of making a really, a difference in where we’ve been and reforming, that’s a good team, it’s a good ticket.”

With so many questions she didn’t actually answer at this debate, I guess it is out of bounds to assume she could come up with a decent answer to this question.

Homer? He’s the original Joe Six Pack isn’t he?